What's so good about choosing happiness?

"What's so good about choosing happiness?"

He had the covers pulled up to his chin. The space heater glowed in the semi darkness. It was cold-- bone chilling cold and she had let it in when she'd opened the door. She folded her legs underneath her and cocked her head. He blinked sleepily at her.

What a ridiculous question.

She had no idea how to respond. Who wouldn't choose happiness?

"What do you mean?" She decided to play it safe and coax it out of him. No sense in getting defensive.

"I mean," he turned his head to meet her eyes, "that there's something to be said for all the emotions God gave us. Shouldn't we experience them all?" The words hung in the air. She swallowed. Visions of her own self, laying on the floor of the basement, sobbing, her heart breaking, her tears soaking the carpet, swam before her eyes. In her silence, he continued, "If we experience and really know the deepest depths of sadness, if we can go to that place and then move on past it, we know we can take it. I would be grateful for such an experience. Afterward, I would know that I can withstand anything because I've already been as low as I can go."

"Sure, there's that," she acquiesced. "But let me be the first to say that I've gone as low as I thought I could go... then I've gone lower."

Waking up in the middle of the night. So sure her brother was alive. So sure there had been a mistake. Realizing it was a dream. He was gone. He would always be. There was no mistake. The heartbreak that followed. . . the salt water and remorse soaking her pillow.

 "You can't stay there," she finished. "You have to choose to move on."

"Okay." His pause was contemplative. There was a slight buzz in the room. She glanced at the clock. They always stayed up so late. She didn't want to stay up so late. "But still, it seems like living your life only focusing on being happy, you lose out on all the other things we can feel. Maybe we can even push those other emotions aside, maybe we don't deal with what we need to."

It was 10:52. She gave them until 11. She crossed her legs, put her chin in her hand, Took a deep breath.

"Perhaps you are right. Perhaps some people do push bad things aside and don't deal with them like they should. I'm sure I've done that. I'm sure in the past year I've done that multiple times. But, that's not what I'm talking about. If nothing, Focus taught me that I need to dig up and face the things in my past that drag me down. But I can't hold on to those things. I need to realize the impact they've had on my life and then... I need to choose the life I want for my future. I want a happy future. God wants a happy future for me."

"Well you're right," he amended. "God does want us to be happy."

She nodded.

"And happiness is a choice."

He chuckled.

"Yes, you're right."

She stood, chilly and tired. Bed time. The conversation was exhausting. This lifestyle of hers was a difficult one. Pushing away the negative thoughts, Letting Go. Creating her own happiness... it wasn't easy. She imagined it might become easier in time. It might become second nature. It would become a lifestyle, not something she consciously moment by moment had to decide for herself.