This weight

I figured it out
This weight on my chest.
I don't trust.
Well, I do but
Very slowly.

Just follow God.
Everything will fall in to place.
Be in His will and
I can trust.
Long for his heart
Live a life searching for Him
And truth
And The Way
And your path will be made clear.
Step by step anyway.
Maybe not all at once but
Then what's the adventure in that?

Here I am.

There is still much darkness before me.

Even Harmonie said her life looked like a cake walk
Beside mine.
Choices.
Trusting.
Protecting my heart
(I've not been too good
At that)

Lead me. I will follow.
Say the word and I will go.
Hold my hand, I will stay.

I loose some things
Bind others.
Dating.
Alcohol.
Friendships.
Selfishness.
Not just what is displeasing but
That which does not bring glory.
The waste.
The emptiness.
The loss of time.
The self focus.
The inward pointing arrow.

But it doesn't hurt anyone.
But it feels so good.
Its just harmless fun.

But I cast away that which
Does not build me up.
Rubbish.
A waste of time.
Even if its not sin its
Just a
Waste.

And im done wasting this precious life.

Ok, Lord.
Im ready.
You're setting me up for something big here,
I thought I'd need another year to get back on
My feet but you're saying
No. Ive got this.

So, ok.
Lead on.
I'm starting to realize this is
Bigger than what I thought.
The idea excites me.
Reminds me
That I am not in control.
My ways are not Yours.
These grand ideas I have
Pale in comparison
To what lies ahead.

So ok.
Lead on.
I trust You.