Hallelujah I'm Still Here

Music.

It gets me from my head to my heart.

I live a lot of life in my head.

I process lots of things. I rarely show emotion (other than laughing... I do laugh a lot).

But music gets me to my heart.

Do you ever need to listen to music with headphones? I mean... you must listen to certain songs only with headphones... It's like plugging the music into your soul. It's the only way to really take it in.

I was sitting at Black Dog the other day with my roommate and we were working on something and I was listening to a radio station on spotify... when all of a sudden, a certain song from Moby came on and I. Stopped. Breathing.

I realized about a minute and a half into the song that my hands were still raised above the keys. My mouth was slightly ajar. I was staring creepily at the barista....

My breath was shallow, my heart was moved, I wanted to cry. No reason. There were no words to this particular song. But the way the music moved... the way each measure led into the next and built and throbbed with something bigger than myself....

It was pretty intense. I played it for James later but it was on some crappy speakers in our basement and he didn't get the full effect so it didn't strike him the same way it did me.

Or maybe music is simply a deeply personal experience and that is why it means so much to us.

That's why the music we listen to is so important.

I've been dating these past 12 months or so and one of the first questions I always ask is "what kind of music do you listen to?" The answer really isn't too important. I like all kinds of music. Really, I listen to Pop and Rock and Country and Rap and Techno and Dance and Christian and Emo and Dubstep and. . .

But it matters that they care. It matters that it means something to them. It matters that not only do they listen, but that they understand the importance.

And that's why singing is important to me. And worship music in church. It's the singing that brought me back to God. It's the Passion song 'One Thing' which makes me cry every time... it's "White Flag" it's "Blessed Be" and "Oceans" and "I Surrender" and "Lay Me Down". . . .

It's what brought me back last year. It's what broke me. It's what caused me to stand there at Heartland last April, hands up, heart pounding, knowing if I Did This. . . if I Went There. . . there was no going back.

And I went there.

And I haven't gone back.

Through all the trials and tribulations and disappointments of this past year, through the heartache and the pain, my own folly and learning to forgive. . .  I'm still Here.

Hallelujah. Praise God. Thank you, Father.

 I'm still Here.

Amen.