My Future is Tonight (Right Now)

I've always had a vision of myself. It's a vision as old as I can remember. It's not a full tableau necessarily, but I certainly have elements that make up a whole yet unseen picture.

Photography. Art. A big, open, clean, bright space. An urban setting. A natural setting. Jumping on my bike, laptop and book and journal in a messenger bag slung over my shoulder. Biking to a park. Or coffee shop. Or jazz lounge.

Maybe I really am a hipster at heart. Just please shoot me if I start wearing skinny jeans rolled at the ankles. That's not good for my body type no matter what I'll later tell myself... And yes, I do own heavy, black, rectangle glasses but I enjoy my contacts more...

I am very much a person in tune with her surroundings. I know what feels right and what doesn't. And the friction of who I want to be and who I am is nearly at a critical point. To be honest, lots and lots of my life right now is at the tipping point. Career. Relationships. Home life. I feel strongly that the decisions I make in the next 6 months will pave the way for the rest of my life.

No pressure.

This is my year of redemption.

And it starts with this weekend. Here. Now. Tonight I take the reins. I take full control over my happiness (I make that choice). I refuse to let anybody define me. I refuse to let my status or my job or my home or my plans on a Friday night define me.

I am a vulnerable, courageous and loved woman.

I am doing what I want to do. I am seeing who I want to see. I am going where I want to go and I am loving those I want to love and being gracious to those I choose to be gracious to (even if I feel right now like they don't deserve it. Even if last night I wanted to throw my phone against the wall out of frustration and anger and self pity).

An hour long bike ride calmed my frustration. A conversation with a friend helped me put things in perspective. My real friends provided outlets and remind me that I Don't Settle and I have a great, open, beautiful future just waiting in front of me and is in fact here Right. Now. I just need to open my eyes to see it.