I've had several very good, very necessary conversations in the past 5 days. Some with the people closest to me and some with strangers. A good decision on Saturday night gave me the great fortune of meeting a whole room full of people I didn't know, and those interactions led to one of the greatest opportunities for growth to come my way (more on that in following blogs...) All it took was that step out on faith. It took opening up and admitting some flaws and a desire to grow.
That's the power of vulnerability.
I watched a Ted Talk on that today by Brene Brown. I posted it to my facebook, but I'll post it Here as well. She's quite well known for her talks on human connection and vulnerability and I cannot fathom how I hadn't seen her Ted Talk previously except by the fact that I am pop culturally illiterate (to my roommate's ongoing exasperation).
By nature, I am a friendly, outgoing person. Today at the gym I made two new friends, Andrew and Hillary. Case in point, I was sitting in the hot tub at 24 hour fitness at the end of my workout and with me were two other gentlemen, one elderly and one a bit younger than me. None of us were engaged in conversation or listening to headphones or otherwise entertained at the moment. It struck me strange that we three human beings in this small confined space acted like none of the other two were even in the same room. The elderly gentleman was staring straight ahead, the younger man was looking at his phone and I had been letting my mind wander. Then the older man left and it was just me and the other young man. I began the conversation and we wound up conversing for the better part of 20 minutes. Andrew works downtown and lives in KCK. I go to church in KCK, I said. We talked church. We talked about house hunting since I am looking to move. We parted by sharing names and shaking hands and told each other not to be a stranger next time we see each other at the gym.
Hillary was standing in front of my locker. I excused myself to move behind her, she commented on my swimsuit and towel and asked about the pool. Thus another 20 minute conversation ensued about Crossfit and working out and life. She lives close by the gym and had only been attending for a month. She's a para for the Shawnee Mission School District. She loves her job but it's very demanding...
The power of opening up.
My small group addressed such things last night as we met to share life and eat pie.
Sometimes it's difficult to open up. Sometimes it's the most difficult with people we know and love the best. A had a good if not slightly heartbreaking conversation with my good friend this past Sunday. I had a heart to heart with my sister. She's worried I'm unhappy and lonely. I had a heart to heart with my roommate last night, defining and redefining our friendship and foundation. Making sure we were still on the same page. . .
All these conversations, deep down inside, I did not want to have. They are difficult to begin because it takes vulnerability. It is taking the chance of being rejected. It's possibly saying the wrong thing. It's the possibility that the conversation might not go the way you think it should and painful realizations can come to light. But true connection is dependent upon this. You cannot connect deeply if you are numb or putting up a facade or "playing the game". I tried. It takes far too much effort and I constantly felt like a fraud.
It takes courage. Trust. Time.
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