One Year Later

Last October I blogged a lot about change. I blogged about choices and forks and My Question and now I suppose I'm in a time of reflection because in a lot of ways, I am a different person, but in some ways, I'm still caught in the same snare. Did I make the right choice?

In the post I wrote exactly one year and one day ago from today... I thought I answered that Question. And I did as well as I could. But did I answer it correctly?

I expected one thing and I got another and my resulting life now does not look a thing like I thought it would this time last year. If you would've told me what the end result would be of those choices last fall... what I'd be doing now... where I'd be now and. . .  well.

Would I have made the same choice? Not the choice of my marriage... I think that speaks for itself in its final resolution. I'm speaking of the direction I took, the leap off the cliff, so to speak. The wild abandon, throwing caution to the wind, starting completely anew.

I have blogged quite a lot about God's provision for me this past year. That I definitely did not always make the right choices, but I still found myself in good places. What I pursued did not work out as I had planned, but He still worked all things out. . . ah, grace. I hope I never take it for granted.

I realize I just have to let go of expectations... but that's hard. So I'm not where I wanted to be? So I still struggle with direction and boundaries and a feeling of incompleteness? So what that the greatest curse in my life is also my greatest blessing? That the hardest things turn out the most rewarding? That self control is above and beyond my greatest weakness and it's exactly what God is using this period of time in my life to strengthen?

Yes. This past year did not turn out the way I thought it should. But. That fork? That Question? I made my choice and it has led to the unexpected, sometimes perilous, beautiful unfolding of my life and praise God for that. Now, just please give me the strength to continue on. . .