Just in Case You Thought I was Finished

I didn't really want to leave my Saturday night on such a deep, introspective note. I mean, that's good and all but in the midst of the introspection, I also need to say that life is actually really great right now. Yeah, you say, I definitely haven't caught that from your blogs at all...

But really. I'd been a little sad the past couple months because as great as my new place is, I realized there was no way I could realistically keep attending my church up in Basehor. It's now a good 40-45 minute drive and that's not something I can financially do... as much as I'd like to. Plus, there's something I like about being a part of a local church... with people who live and work in the same community. I'd like to make friends, get involved, join a small group. I'd been going to Heartland in Olathe for a while but I was feeling very disconnected. I didn't know quite what to do.

Then I went to church with my friends Brian and Rachel. I fell in love. As I've said before, I base a lot of my life not on feelings but on intuition. Do you recall a post I wrote last April? That there was a certain David Crowder song that they sang at church that had broken my heart? That I went to the park and listened to that song on repeat for over an hour and just cried? I haven't heard that song at church since... until I heard it at Oak Grove. It's a Baptist church in an old building just a bit east and north of me in KCK and I did judge it at first walking in. The air was musty. The inside looked like every single tiny baptist church Jered had ever pulpit-supplied at. The crowd was mixed and definitely not very "church like". But then I heard the music (a djembe! A cello!) and then I heard the preacher (verses backing up verses backing up points based on other verses! Amazing!).

And the fact that God was continuing to use these friends of mine. . . these friends that had been such a large part of my life and whom I had thought last spring that I'd lost... That Everything Changes... but oftentimes it changes for the better... it's amazing to reread past posts and see how much has changed and how far I've come in just 4 or 5 months. That what I found happiness in back then is what God has brought to fruition lately to bring me such joy. That the deep, aching melancholy that used to haunt me is nearly totally missing from my life. That the moments of stress or sadness I've experienced the past month or two is a mere shadow of what I'd been in.

Thank you, God. For all my stumbles and wrong turns and hesitations and down right fiascos... I just can't get over how His grace still led me to this place.