Driving back home

When I dropped Mom off, I had that old feeling. It's a feeling I've pushed down for the past week or so, it's a feeling that's at once familiar and unsettling...

Now What?

That's it. Just that. I thought about driving to a park and reading and journaling and continuing my solitary journey I'd begun this past week. My journey into myself. My journey to find God...

I thought about going home to Aimee. Unpack the car. Boot up the computer. Begin to work my way through the mountain of things I've been thinking about doing these past 7 days to further my life...

I thought about going to my new home ( I have a key) and crashing there and just watching a movie and reading book and not thinking about anything special...

I thought about going to Aimee's and then going to a park and then going to my new place... it was only 7:00 on a Saturday night after all. Oh the possibilities seemed endless.

In the end, I went to Target and bought a Father's Day Card and then I went home. To my current home. And paid some bills and uploaded photos and went though my folders upon folders of papers-- lots of which I threw away. I updated my calendar. I txt'd a friend. I blogged (obviously). It was good.

Life. Life is precarious.

I was homesick for Colorado. That is not really possible, my home is not over there. And yet.

Have you ever been somewhere and felt so securely that you Belong there? Your Home, better for worse, is where were right at that moment? I felt that way.

And I feel out of place now.

I want to go hiking and camping and kayaking this weekend.... but I'm in eastern Kansas.

What a blow to the psyche. What a blow to my sense of being. Can I even pretend now?

Guess I'll have to.

Until God calls me to where I Belong....