Choices

I had lunch with my sister last week. We sat at Panera in Mission, KS and discussed life and the choices we make. Where we will be in one, 5, 10 years from now is dependant upon the choices we make now. That's pretty heavy.

I remember blogging just a few weeks ago about how I hates choices. I've always liked my future mapped out for me: black and white, here and there. If you look back at that blog, I mentioned sitting in the proverbial fork-in-the-road and how I was so glad I didn't have to be there.

God has a funny sense of humor, doesn't He? Don't get too comfortable, He was telling me. It's about to get shaken all up.

But change isn't bad and choices aren't bad. And even now, the choice to take things one day at a time, it almost feels like dragging my feet--- but I'm wise enough now to know not to jump so quickly. I told my husband this afternoon that my heart is still hurt. That I have trouble trusting. That I trusted and jumped and landed somewhere foreign and hurtful and got stuck there for a very long time.

No, it wasn't all bad. We humans can adapt to any circumstance we chose to. I just chose to stop pretending, that's all. I stopped defending something that was broken. I stopped feeling guilty/prideful/victimized. So there was the first choice. The second was to forgive.

The third?

Well, I'm in the middle of that, aren't I? One day at a time, right? That's what I say. It's moment by moment. Taking every thought captive. Every thought of flight. Every thought of failure. Every thought of resentment or inadequacy or fear. It's choosing to salvage something that could be quite beautiful if we can just make it out of the fire.

Or ice.

Jered says time waits for no one, the world keep spinning. And every. single. day. I make a choice. It is the most difficult choice I believe I've ever made in my life and I need to recommit to it every day. Who am I kidding? Several times every day. One day at a time.