Ready

"I was thinking," she started, "about this year. About where I've been and where I want to go. About what I want. I've had a lot of time to think lately at work. Lots of zoning."

"Oh?" He asked, his voice muffled. "And what do you want?"

She considered this.

"I want to get rid of my debt. I want to move into a good place. I want to build my photography business. I want to save some money." She nods to herself as she says this. These are the thoughts she'd been having. Those were the building blocks she had been mulling over in her head as the foundations that will create her future.

"Sounds like you're ready to settle down," he says.

She wants to immediately discount this statement. Settling is something she doesn't want. But then...

"I'm tired of running," she finally says. The clock ticks loudly in the quiet room. It's past midnight-- far too late to be up. They're talking. They always talk. He's laying on his stomach on his bed. She is sitting next to him. They had just watched a movie and neither was ready to sleep just yet. "I guess I'm ready to become who I was." This sounds odd to her. His silence prods her to explain. "My dad told me the other day, he said that I used to be such a relentless girl. I pursued whatever was in front of me with a passion that nothing could deter. I would set my mind to something and go after it with my whole heart and I wouldn't give up until I accomplished it."

The thought made her sad. She knew it was the truth. Somewhere along the way.. somewhere in her marriage, she had let herself be broken. She had given up on her own dreams and had followed another's. She had lost a big chunk of herself and she was only just now regaining that lost foothold. Over a year later and she was still rediscovering who she really was. What she wanted. Where she was going.

"I'm ready to get that back."

There was a finality in her words.


The next morning, her soul felt less troubled. There was peace in her spirit and something confining had continued to lift from her shoulders. It wasn't gone completely just yet, but it was enough. She took a deep breath. The air was stinging cold. The early sun was pale and gray behind the clouds.

I'm ready, she said to herself. Bring it on.