Out of focus

I want to sell everything I own and go.

That's a strong statement but I am my mother's daughter and my sister's sister... I have become too materialistic and too unfocused. I have become too content with a mediocre life. I have a heart of passion and a need for forward momentum and a laser focus... and I feel trapped and stuck. My breaking point several weeks ago opened my eyes to this life I am living and the unrest I feel.

I am a selfish person and this life I lead is equally selfish. And I'm asked to come up with a life plan and that whatever I want I can have. That I need to start planning my life and taking steps towards in that plan. I like this idea. I've even come up with four different scenarios for my life that all end up with me in California.

What about God in all this? Isn't He supposed to be directing my path? Perhaps this unrest is something that only He can fix? I think this is supposed to be the case. But then I'm not even sure what that means. I want to know what that looks like. And I wish there was a right answer and I wish there was something I could do. Saw a youtube video of this inspirational speaker guy who said I should want success and that I should want success more than I want anything else in my life. More than my social outtings. More than playing guitar. More than my job.

I'm not even sure how I define success... all my life I've been working towards something and now I feel like I'm spinning my wheels more than ever before in my life.

I want to sell everything I own and go. But I know even that wouldn't make me happy. I want to join the peace corps. I want to serve a higher purpose. I want my days to have meaning. I think everybody wants these things. It's just a matter of finding out how and then doing it.