I have no real title for this one

Just got back from our vacation. We could write a book with all the things we learned from this trip. First and most important: Being at the airport one hour (at least) before your flight really isn't optional. It's not a "good idea". It essential. Like as in they won't let you on your flight if you try to check in 30 minutes before your flight leaves. Doing so will result in you "missing" your flight. . . even though yes, you didn't technically miss it.

That's a big one. That one left us stranded in Philly an extra night and cost us some cash to buy two one way tickets to KC at 1:30 in the AM.

Another lesson learned is don't bother trying to do anything even remotely "touristy" on a holiday weekend. . .especially in regards to the ocean or any big cities (ie: Philadelphia). You will drive for ages looking for a parking spot only to find one two miles away and it's 95 degrees outside and you packed your walking shoes in the trunk.

I could go on.

In other news, I began and finished Jane Austen's 'Persuasion' and read the first 1/3 of 'Pride and Prejudice'. It's a good thing I really like Jane Austen's books.

The wedding went well. It was very beautiful. Hot and muggy and beautiful. Us from Webster who weren't getting married that day met up for Philly Cheese steaks for lunch before the wedding. The ceremony/reception was actually about 1 1/2 hours from Philly so we split after lunch till the wedding. What a good time it was! I got to wear my new dress and new shoes and Jered wore his fabulous Filipino top and his black hat. Angela is fabulously, glowingly pregnant and she gives me hope that such an experience might be worth going through. It was good to see Natalie again and Jered talked with Paul (Natalie's husband. . .) and of course, it's always a blessing to see Jo. See, Jo and me. . . well, of the five of us roommies, we haven't quite "made it" yet and we have that in common. But she's working and she has health insurance and she's in New York and she sings amazingly on a regular basis and we get to get a copy of her CD whenever she cuts one (hopefully soon). And she reminds me of my passion and she reminds me that I don't have to settle and I don't want to settle and I'm not alone out there in this.

Of course, I already do know that. I have had the amazing fortune of working with some quite fabulous people with whom I am learning grace and patience and compassion. I have often said that is the people who make work bearable and I have been blessed to be surrounded by some great ladies at work. I'm not sure what I would do without Eileen and Jeanna, Kayte and Cari, Liesl and Lauren and the handfulls of others too numerous to mention. I see those like myself, like Cari and Rachel who also aren't "there yet". They aren't where they will end of being. . .where their passion will lead them. . . and it's a hard road to be on without others along side the same journey. It can seem lonely and degrading and I'm glad to know that those are just lies and that we are all on this journey and that oftentimes, life isn't what you do day in and day out, it's the people you're with and it's the lives you're touching.

That sounds cliche but you know what they say about cliches. . .

While at the wedding, Natalie was talking about the problem with reading other people's blogs. It's that other people always put forward what they want others to see. . . so we read an imperfect representation of another's life and oftentimes, it can make us feel less about ourselves. Like our kids aren't good enough or our job's not good enough. Angela talked about people's perception of pregnant ladies and how two different people can come up to her in a single day and one lady thinks Angela's too big for how far along she is and another lady thinks she's too small. Angela says all she really wants anybody to tell her is how good she looks.

It's hard not trying to constantly live up to a standard. Whether it's our culture, our society, our peers, family or selves. . . it is life outside the Garden and it is life a part from God. No matter how close we are to Him, we will be born into and swimming around in this flesh that tells us we will never be enough. No matter how much money we have or kids we have or what job we have. . . it will never be enough.

God, I don't want to live like that.

I will let Target be enough for me. It's difficult. I will let Kansas be enough for me. I will let ten weddings this year instead of twenty be enough for me. It'll be difficult, but I know Jered will let being only a part time youth minister be enough for him. I know he'll let working three jobs to make ends meet work for him. It's difficult at times-- he's almost 35, he wants more. Of course he wants to "make it". Of course he wants a job that can support his wife and put ESPN on the TV. But if that doesn't happen. . . then what?

I had dinner tonight with my Dad and he was encouraging. He was encouraging in his pride in me, is support of Jered and my's marriage, his being impressed at our income. . . and in his solidarity with us. Dad has a fine arts degree from KU. He wanted to be a graphic artist. He painted and wrote stories and poems and he sketched and was (is still) a great artist. However, instead of art, he started his own lawn care business. His life didn't go the exact way that he had imagined. By his 20-year old standards, he never "made it". But of course he's a fabulous dad and husband with an incredible wife and has a life lots of people would envy. But really, who defines success? Can we let others do it for us?

I hope the only standard I'm held to is that I made the most of the life and the circumstances I was given. My standard is a good attitude in all things. My standard is being a good wife and daughter and friend. My standard is treating others as I'd like to be treated (and maybe even better).

Because who ever said that we had to be successful and talented and rich and influential just because we can? Because we can do something does that mean we should or that we need to or that something is wrong with us if we don't? They told me as a child that I could do anything I wanted to do: be anything I wanted to be. Should they have told me that? Should I do whatever I want to do and be whatever I want to be? What if everyone did that? Get me out of whatever place that is!

I know God wants me to be joyful and fulfilled. Perhaps I just need to keep reminding myself what that really and truly looks like. And I need to be sure I stick by that definition.